Christmas has a way of bringing out the best in us and the worst in us. People do not think rationally at this time of year. The concept of giving gets lost in the madness of commercialism, so much so that the true meaning of Christmas is distorted to comply with the voracious greed of big business. The glow that once emanated from people at this time of year is replaced by a look of confusion and anxiety. Pressure to give, and the questions about who will be giving what to who, becomes an insidious point of conflict that poisons whatever is left of the Christmas spirit.
For instance, my friends, the Smiths, buy as many as 20 extra gifts, some intended for possible givers and others for no one in particular – surprises that couldn’t have been anticipated. These are all “emergency” gifts, kept in the closet for use if needed. The whole thing is bizarre, but here’s how it works.
“Are we getting anything for the Jones’s this year?”
“I don’t know. Do they usually give us something?”
“I’m not sure.”
“OK, we’ll pick out something for them just in case.”
At the annual Christmas Eve get-together at the Smith’s, the Jones’s bring a gift. No problem. My friend scurries off to the closet and plucks number 18, appropriately carded to the Jones’s. “Oh, you didn’t need to,” says Mrs. Jones, but of course my friend did need to – there is nothing more embarrassing than receiving a gift with none in return. This is precisely the mentality the stores are hoping for.
But what happens if the Jones’s went through the same routine? If they conclude that my friend might possibly have a gift for them, they come to the party prepared. If the Smiths hand them a gift, Mr. Jones quietly slips out to the car and retrieves a present. “Geez, I almost forgot,” he says breathlessly, but everything is fine.
There are more complicated issues that play out, however. The Smiths are in a quandary. “What should we do, wait and see if they have a gift first, or should we just give them theirs and take our chances?” The Jones’s have the same dilemma. As a result, there is some tension about who will make the first move, but in the end, no gifts are exchanged. Fine; both gifts get returned after Christmas, something the stores hate.
Another issue, one that requires a good amount of thought and insight, is how much to spend on a particular gift, Some people hope for an even trade in value, some want the gifts they give to be “better,” and some people don’t care. We won’t bother with them right now. The bottom line is that the planning can be intense.
“We can’t give the Michaelsons a John Deere,” says Mrs. Smith. “Last year they gave us that cheap, ugly lamp they bought in Italy.”
“No, let’s give them the John Deere. It’ll be so much better that they’ll have to top it next year.”
Whatever the decision, it is arrived at by thorough record-keeping and cold calculation. There’s always the risk that the Smiths will get shorted, which will be duly recorded for next year’s planning. Next year always seems to arrive too soon for the Smiths and the Michaelsons. Obviously, the Smiths have a weighty decision to make. “Well, last year we gave them the snow blower and they gave us that useless kerosene lantern. This year they’ll have to make it up. How about we give them that fancy towel rack you picked up at the Dollar Store? Then we’ll be even.”
There’s a lot of pressure on the Michaelsons, meanwhile. “Heck, honey, last year they gave us the snow blower. We fell far short. What should we do?”
“How about a flat screen TV? John’s been hinting at that for years.”
“Yeah, that sounds good, but you know we’re gonna’ take a beating on this – we can’t expect much after last year.”
“True, but at least we’ll be even.”
Stores love this kind of thinking, which invariably increases their profits. But they still haven’t figured out what to do about the people who just don’t buy gifts, or refuse to become involved in the game of gift comparison, proliferation and escalation. Maybe the marketers need a change in advertising strategy to get the scrooges into the giving spirit. Can you picture the ad? A man sits alone on Christmas Eve. He has gifts for no one, and no one has gifts for him. There’s nothing but empty space under his tree. He’s not even invited to parties anymore. The voice-over goes something like this; “There’s John Doe again, alone and gift-less on Christmas Eve. For a few thousand dollars he could have avoided this misery, but it’s too late now.”
I know, it sounds absurd, but the marketing people wouldn’t be far off in their thinking. The message is there for all to see. Happiness can only be bought and despair is inevitable for those who don’t spend. Christmas is no longer about celebration, love and affection. It is about money, and the more you spend, the happier you will be. After all, to give is to receive, literally. The trick to a jolly holiday is to give the best and most expensive presents. In the end, it all goes on the credit card anyway.
I wonder what Christmas does to the national debt?