Have you ever wondered how much you can worry about before you finally have a meltdown? Personally, I’m getting sicker from all the things I’m supposed to worry about than from the things themselves. I’ve had my fill of all of the medical and scientific hoopla that brings new and scary stuff to my attention every day. There are just too many potentially risky things, from herbal tea, soy, even watermelon. I know cigarettes will eventually kill me, but every time I watch the news I need one just to calm down.
The list of things that are bad for us grows like crabgrass, and it changes constantly. Last year, coffee was bad, so I reluctantly cut down to just a cup a day. But now I am back up to six, because the latest news from the medical experts is that heavy coffee drinkers stand a 40 percent lower chance of developing liver disease. That is a staggering percentage in my favor! Or is it just a new spin financed by the coffee industry? It does figure that heavy coffee drinkers would have less chance of developing cirrhosis – coffee addicts probably kick the bucket from colon cancer (last year) or heart disease (the year before) long before liver disease would be detected.
The sad truth is that we live in an age when the word of charlatans is like the word of the almighty. These modern day spin doctors come from all of the professions, and are chomping at the bit to drop their statistical bombs. Personally, I’m waiting with baited breath for the big one, when the tobacco industry announces newly discovered health benefits from smoking. As a smoker, I can easily be convinced that a pack a day lowers my chances of dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease, neuroleptic malignant syndrome or a sudden attack of low blood pressure. C’mon, surgeon general, let’s get that information on the pack!
Worried about alcohol? It is no longer a danger these days, as long as your consumption is in moderation. I recently read in the news (which is always true), that a couple belts of schnapps is actually good for you. I am wondering if a six-pack of beer qualifies as moderation. I certainly want to believe it does.
Don’t get too cheery, though. Global warming (which stands to heat up once the nuking starts in the Middle East), Lyme disease, avian flu, exposure to sunlight, tsunamis, air stagnation, earthquakes, hurricanes tornados and stray meteors all figure to kill us off sooner or later. Nature is evidently angry with us, and we are the dinosaurs now. We cannot assume that we are any smarter than the average Tyrannosaurus, either. We might actually be the stupidest creatures to ever inhabit the planet. What could possibly be dumber than killing off your own species?
I have a friend who insists that aliens from outer space are watching us. If they are, they must be shaking their heads (if they have them) in disbelief. I just hope they are not like us. The thought of being snuffed out by a race of crazed aliens scrambling for scratch-off lottery tickets is terrifying.
Anyway, I am trying my best not to worry so much. And I do like the concept of “everything in moderation.” A little Strontium-90 or Cesium-137 can’t be all that bad. After all, the people at Indian Point tell us not to be alarmed. Just because they are leaking radioactive waste into the Hudson River and their sirens don’t work doesn’t mean they’re liars, does it? Yet as hard as I try, there is always something new and frightening. It is no wonder to me that so many people become anxious and depressed. The constant media barrage of threats of terrorism only add to our collective sense of gloom and doom.
Thank goodness for the pharmaceutical industry, though. There are pills for everything. If you can’t sleep at night, there’s a pill, and if your nerves are on edge, there’s a pill for that too. Just beware of that little enclosure that informs you of potential side effects. You may need a magnifying glass to read it and you may be relieved to learn that most of the side effects are relatively mild, like dry mouth. Unfortunately, some of these mood-altering drugs can also kill you. Having personally been prescribed such medication, I feel obliged to let you know that without immediate treatment, death is listed as a very real side effect. I can’t help but wonder, though, how you get immediate treatment. If you are not lucky enough to have a faith healer living next door, your only alternative is the local emergency room, where immediate treatment is uncommon and generally not provided by fully licensed physicians. Besides, your doctor will probably try to reassure you that most side effects are mild and generally subside with time. Sudden death, unfortunately, does not go away, even if you have the patience of a Buddhist monk.
If all of this is worrisome to you, try to look at the bright side. According to scientists, the sun is not due to explode anytime soon.
Have a nice day!